Character Studies and Rants...

So... there seems to be two main populations I deal with... and of course, they are the extremes. Either I have the patients that come in asking for 5 months of disability for a HANGNAIL, or I get the person with a CLEARLY fractured ankle coming in 10 days POST fall just- and only because the swelling was so bad they could no longer force it into their boot for work... uggggg

I feel like I should host a mix-er where both the hypochondriacs and the non-reactors could get together and teach the other group their ways... Again, the Eileen McKenna school of medicine that I grew up in ("if it's not arterial bleeding, and you still wanna go to gymnastics practice, then quit whining") has made me sympathetize more with the tough guys than the frequent flyers... but still, even with my bias I recognize the unhealthy aspects of both groups' approach to care.

In honor of that, here are some GEMS I've encounted thus far...

Patient #1 : Chief Complaint (reported to me via my tech) "Patient would like an MRI so she can be diagnosed as dyslexic".... Now, I can get her an MRI to diagnose her as CRAZY TOWN but, ain't no brainscan for dyslexia. And after 45 minutes of one of the most disjointed, anxiety-ridden conversations I've ever born witness too... I finally had a plan for her: Referral to mental health and a manic depressive disorder! Yikes

Patient #2: 40 year old male with "penile discharge"... now don't worry, this isn't going where you probably think it's going... his "discharge" was PEE... and upon digital rectal exam, he had an enlarged prostate... so after palpating the poor man's prostate, I told him "Now, you need to go over to lab and get the very first catch of urine in the cup becau-..." He states starring at me in HORROR as I am taking off my ky-jellied gloves and throwing them in the trash (which I thought was a perfectly RATIONAL thing to do with them...) but he interrupts my instructions and starts yelling "whoa whoa whoa!!!!! What are you doing?! Why are you throwing that away?!?! Aren't you tossing the sample?!?!"... I'm thinking, "did ya really think I went in there and scraped a lil' of your prostate under my finger nail for cytology to take a look at..." But instead... I had to calmly and with a straight face say "no, sir. I was just explaining to you that now that we've stimulated the prostate what we need is a URINE sample..."

Patient #3: 25 year old female coming in for "Back Surgery..."
Turns out, she wanted relief of work orders (what we call 'quarters' for Active duty Airmen) because she was having a MOLEEEEE removed from her back, or as she liked to referred to it, her BACK SURGERY... uggggg... Shaving something the size of a pencil eraser off your back and putting a bandaid over it, HARDLY qualifies as an invasive procedure mandating disability leave! uggggg This patient was such a joy, that the tech's started referring to her as "Eoyore"... because the second you went into the room there was an instant black rain cloud over your head. We were all quoting "thanks.for.noticing.me." and siging "I'm just a little black rain cloud... hovering over the trees..." the rest of the day. So ironically, this bitter patient, actually made our day BRIGHTER ;)

Hope you all enjoyed the stories... just a tip of the iceberg... trust me... hehe

Miss and love you all! xoxo

Alaskan Extra Curriculars...

It's a been a great but LONG 11hr+ days week! But on the plus side, that means I have today OFF! It's been so nice to spend a lazy morning in bed chatting with my grrlz back home, takin' my time witha proper breakfast (my favorite meal of the day) and working on my 2nd pot of coffee :)

So to celebrate my vacation day, I thought I'd kick off my weekend of excessive blogging with some shots of the amazing things I've been able to experience here in Alaska!

Last weekend Ryan took me skydiving for the first time and LOVEEEEDDDDD it! We went with 6 friends from work and we all did tandum jumps with people that are actually trained and know what they're doing - so we didn't have to do any of the ground-school classes stuff... just showed up, got our PowerRanger suits and JUMPED! It was AWESOMEEEE! My tandum leader was (read: is) an Army Special Forces Ranger- he's done something like 7000+ jumps! CRAZY TOWN! Needless to say, I made a special request for as many flips as possible leaving the airplane. They took us up in a Sesna with all the seats removed, save for the pilot's. We were crammed in there like sardines. Because the plane was so small, there's only room for two jumpers, the two trainer/tandum professionals, a videographer (if you choose to buy a dvd of your possible last act on earth - which of course I DID, and YES, it's supposed to be in the mail on Monday so I'll be sure to post it as soon as I get it), and the pilot.

They take you around for a 20 minute tour of the Valley, and then... as you watch the altimeter on your wrist climb to 10,000 feet... you JUMP!!!! I wasn't nervous or scared at all! I was just psyched! The best part is when you step out onto the beam outside the airplane door looking down at 10,000 feet, wind whipping by you... and then the release!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AWESOMEEEEEE... you're technically supposed to pull your chute at 5,500 ft... but because my guys was a) pyschotic and b) knew I was too... he didn't pull until 4,800!!!! Ride of my life. Even though Ryan and his guy jumped first, we were the first to land! hehe The photos you see here include the whole group of us pre-jump (and no, my friend Teresa did not put her little girl Bella in the babybjorn for the jump); Ryan and me making a fashion statement in our suits and nerdy hat/ goggles; and me practicing the landing technique in the trapeeze :)

The weekend before last, 5 of us went camping 3 and half hours north of Anchorage at Lake Louise. It was truly BREATH TAKINGLY beautiful up there... Ryan took a TON more pics than this but here's a few to get you started for now. I don't know if you can see how COMPLETELY coated in mud Amber and I are in this pic... but believe me - the jump into the very COLD lake post ride was DEFINITELY worth the pain!

Lastly there's a shot of Ryan and me and trudging through the woods with his 12-gage shotgun on my back... Grandpa Dar would be so proud. And yes, I fired a gun... and yes I hit my very first clay! It's in my blood I guess... or maybe the fact that Ryan's an official Marksman rubbed off on me, whatever it is... just don't tell anyone or I may lose my npr membership.

Well, off to run some errands and take care of some business on my day off here. I miss and love you all BEAUCOUP!!!!!

xoxo Mego

When in Rome.... er, Alaska...

Sorry I've been slacking on my posts, everyone! My dumb roommates neglected to pay the internet bill (ahhhhh, I KNEW there was a reason I swore I was done having roommates...) uggg. Anywho, that's not my only excuse for my M.I.A.ness... I've also been out enjoying the wonderful things Alaska has to offer in the summer.
Since I got here 3 weeks ago, I have camped, hiked, climbed, skydove, 4-wheeled, and most shockingly perhaps, shot GUNS! hahaha Before you think I've completely turned my back on my bleeding heart liberal ways... just know that the targets were all pointed in the direction of Sara Palin's home in Wasilla (true story!). ;)
Well, I will be posting more tonight, but I just wanted to let you all know I have not COMPLETELY fallin' off the face of the Earth. More to come SOON! You are all missed and LOVED! xoxo